Beauty Secrets

For attractive lips,
speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes,
seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure,
share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair,
let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge
you never walk alone.
We leave you a tradition of the future.
The tender loving care of human beings will never become obsolete.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, redeemed and redeemed and redeemed.
Never throw anyone away.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you'll discover that you have two hands - one for helping yourself, the second for helping others.
You've great days still ahead of you. May there be many of them

5 important lessons to learn from a humble pencil

1. It tells you that everything you do will always leave a Mark .
2. You can always correct the mistake you make .
3. The important thing in life is what you are from inside and not from out side .
4. In life you will undergo painful sharpening which will make you better in whatever you do .
5. Finally, to be the best you can be, you must allow yourself to be held and guided by the hand that holds you

Good Morning India!

ALPHABET OF HAPPINESS :-
A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.
B--Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to accomplish with your life.
C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and happiness with.
D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the way.
E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about yourself.
F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.
G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or stand in your way.
H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as you remain dedicated to the task.
I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small inkling of what the future holds.
J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.
K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.
L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart, there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's room for endless happiness.
M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things in life.
N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.
O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.
P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without happiness.
Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.
R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things always have a way of working out in the end.
S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything that you invest in others will return to you many times over.
T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be amazed by what you can accomplish.
U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value. Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.
V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged you, and be there for them as well.
W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second chance.
X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the goodness and beauty within.
Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll find success at the end of the road.
Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head. Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.

Words from Elderly !!!

END is not end. In fact E..N..D.. is effort never dies. N O is not denial... N.O. is next opportunity. Always be positive!

Smooth seas do not make a skillful sailor....African proverb. "The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight but no vision"....Helen keler.

Wonderfil line in Japan bus stop. "Only buses will wait here.Not your time".....So, keep walking towards to your goal.

Vedas compare creation to spider's web, spider creates and lies within. God is both container of universe and what is contained in it......Ramakrishna Paramahamsa.

Idols are nothing but symbols through which divinity can be comprehended. It develops undeveloped mind to grasp high spiritual truths.....Swami Vivekananda.

Devotion is beyond space and time with not before or after. It is undeniable and obvious....Dr.S. Radhakrishnan.

"At the stroke of midnight hour when the world sleeps, India awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, but is rarely in history, when we emerge from the old to new, an age when ends and the soul of a nation, long suppressed....finds statement...we end today a period of ill fortune and discovers herself". ---NEHRU..

(15/08/1947) Excellent words of Dr.A.P.J.Abdul Kalaam..."To read a history is easy, but to make a history is too difficult."

What did you find ?

Bholaji and Pyarelal rob a bank and mess it up,
managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor.
And they take one sack each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other,
'What did you find in your sack?'
'Ten lakh Rupees!'
'Wow... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?'
'I bought a house. How about your sack?'
'Aahh... it was full of loan documents.'
'And what did you do with them?'
'Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...'

Good Morning India!

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired:
"An ID ten T error?
What's that ... In case I need to fix it again?"
The computer guy grinned....
"Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, " and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote out ...... I D 1 0 T

TEACUP !!!

There was a couple who used to go to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful." As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke.
"You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay." My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "let me alone", but he only smiled, "Not yet."
"Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!" I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet."
Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as He shook his head, "Not yet."
Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. "There, that's better," I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. "Stop it, stop it!" I cried. He only nodded, "Not yet."
Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head saying, "Not yet."
Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, "Look at yourself." And I did. I said, "That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful."
"I want you to remember," then, he said, "I know it hurts to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled.
I knew it hurt and was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life.
And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you."
********
God knows what He's doing (for all of us).He is the Potter, and we are His clay.
He will mold us and make us, So that we may be made into a flawless piece of work To fulfill His good, pleasing, and perfect will

The Result of Initiative!

Some years ago, three brothers left the farm to work in the city. They were all hired by the same company at the same pay. Three years later, Jim was being paid $500 a month, Frank was receiving $1,000, but George was now making $1,500.
Their father decided to visit the employer. He listened to the confused father and said, "I will let the boys explain for themselves."
Jim was summoned to the supervisor's office and was told, "Jim, I understand the Far East Importers has just brought in a large transport plane loaded with Japanese import goods. Will you please go over to the airport and get a cargo inventory?"
Three minutes later, Jim returned to the office. "The cargo was one thousand bolts of Japanese silk," Jim reported. "I got the information over the telephone from a member of the crew."
When Jim left, Frank, the $1,000 a month brother, was called. "Frank," said the supervisor, "I wish you'd go out to the airport and get an inventory of the cargo plane which was just brought in by Far East Importers."
An hour later, Frank was back in the office with a list showing that the plane carried 1,000 bolts of Japanese silk, 500 transistor radios, and 1,000 hand painted bamboo trays. George, the $1,500 a month brother, was given identical instructions. Working hours were over when he finally returned.
"The transport plane carried one thousand bolts of Japanese silk," he began. "It was on sale at sixty dollars a bolt, so I took a two-day option on the whole lot.
I have wired a designer in New York offering the silk at seventy-five dollars a bolt. I expect to have the order tomorrow. I also found five hundred transistor radios, which I sold over the telephone at a profit of $2.30 each.
There were a thousand bamboo trays, but they were of poor quality, so I didn't try to do anything with them."
When George left the office, the employer smiled. "You probably noticed," he said, "that Jim doesn't do what he's told, Frank does only what he'd told, but George does without being told."
*********
The future is full of promise for one who shows initiative

Gopod Morning India!

The Monk and The Baby:-
Once there was a monk who lived in a village. One day a young village girl became pregnant and was unmarried. She did not want to expose her boyfriend. Out of fear when her parents asked her who is responsible, she pointed her finger to that monk.
Her parents were infuriated. The next day, the whole village turned up to blame the him. "How could you?" "You dirty old man!" "You are a disgrace!" "Get out of our village, you hypocrite!" Some villagers even threaten the his life.
After listening to all the accusations, what he said was "Is that so?" and went back to meditate. Months went by; the young girl gave birth to a baby. The parents of the young girl were forced to find a father for the child.
The parents and the villagers went up to approach him saying "You are responsible for this baby; therefore you should bring up the baby!" Once again, he said "Is that so?" He took the young baby in his arms and went back.
By this time the he has lost his reputation but it did not trouble him. He took very good care for this baby and he manages to obtain milk and everything the child needed from his neighbors.
After a year, he young girl felt ashamed and guilty and wanted to see her baby. She finally told the real story to her parents. When all the villagers came to know the truth, they all felt ashamed of having wrong him.
So all of them gathered and went to the monk asking for forgiveness. Once again, after listening to them said "Is that so?" He handed the baby back to the young girl.
********
When you are right, one thousand angels swearing that you are wrong does not matter. But when you are wrong, ten thousand angels swearing that you are right will not make any difference.

A Millionaire & Three Beggers!

There was a good-natured millionaire in the town. Three beggars thought of approaching him for help. The first man went to the millionaire and said: "O Lord! I want five rupees. Please give me." The millionaire was taken aback at this man's impudence. "What! You demand five rupees from me as though I owe you the money! How dare you? How can I afford to give five rupees to a single beggar? Here, take these two rupees and get away," he said. The man went away with the two rupees.

The next beggar went to the millionaire and said: "Oh Lord! I have not taken a square meal for the past ten days. Please help me."
"How much do you want?" asked the millionaire.

"Whatever you give me, Maharaj," replied the beggar.
"Here, take this ten rupee note. You can have nice food for at least three days." The beggar walked away with the ten rupee note.

The third beggar came. "Oh Lord, I have heard about your noble qualities. Therefore, I have come to see you. Men of such charitable disposition are verily the manifestations of God on earth," he said.

"Please sit down," said the millionaire. "You appear to be tired. Please take this food," he said, and offered food to the beggar.
"Now please tell me what I can do for you."

"Oh Lord," replied the beggar; "I merely came to meet such a noble personage that you are. You have given me this rich food already. What more need I get from you? You have already shown extraordinary kindness towards me. May God bless you!"

But the millionaire, struck by the beggar's spirit, begged of the beggar to remain with him, built a decent house for him in his own compound, and looked after him for the rest of his life.

God is like this good millionaire. Three classes of people approach Him, with three different desires and prayers. There is the greedy man full of vanity, full of arrogance, full of desires. He demands the objects of worldly enjoyment from God. Since this man, whatever be his vile desires, has had the good sense to approach God, He grants him some part of the desired objects (even these very soon pass away, just as the two rupees the first beggar got are spent before nightfall).

The other type of devotee prays to the Lord for relief from the sufferings of the world, but is better than the first one, in as much as he is ready to abide by His Will. To him the Lord grants full relief from suffering, and bestows on him much wealth and property.

The third type he merely prays to the Lord: "O Lord, Thou art Existence-Absolute, Knowledge-Absolute, Bliss-Absolute, etc., etc." What does he want? Nothing. But the Lord is highly pleased with his spirit of renunciation, of desirelessness and of self-surrender. Therefore, He makes him eat His own food, i.e., He grants this man Supreme Devotion to Himself. Over and above this, He makes the devotee to live in His own House For ever afterwards this devotee dwells in the Lord's Abode as a Liberated Sage

THE WISE SONGBIRD!

Once upon a time there was a golden songbird that lived in a beautiful garden. It spent all its days singing the loveliest songs to the honour of its maker and the delight of all the people who heard it.

But the keeper of the garden, who was a foolish and greedy man, coveted the little songster, and one day he made a cunning net in which he snared it. The little bird begged the man to release him and promised to tell him three great secrets if only he would let him go. Now the gardener really was a very greedy man and rubbing his hands together, he eagerly released the bird.


Then the songbird told him it's three great secrets:Never believe all that you hear; Never regret what you have never lost, and never throw away that which you have in your keeping.

The gardener was furious when he heard this and said he had known these so-called 'secrets' since he was a little child and shouted that the bird had tricked him. But the songbird quietly replied that if the man had really known these three secrets, or only the last of them, he would never have let him go.

Then the bird added:"I have a most precious jewel weighing over three ounces hidden inside me and whoever possesses that marvellous stone will have every wish granted."

On hearing this, the keeper roared like a lion and cursed himself for setting the songster free. But the little bird only added fuel to his rage by explaining that since he weighed no more than half an ounce at most, as anyone with eyes could plainly see, how was it possible that a gem weighing more than three ounces could be hidden within it's tiny body?

At that the man tore his hair and lunged at the bird in a towering rage, but the little songbird flew to a nearby branch and added sweetly:"Since you never had the jewel in your hands you are already regretting what you never lost, and believing what I told you, you threw it away by setting me free."

Then the little songbird told the man to study well these three great secrets and so become as wise as the bird himself!

EXPRESSION NOT THE LANGUAGE

In a hotel in Ahmedabad:
It Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.
If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.
**
In a hotel lobby in Surat:
The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
(Surat, the city of language obscenity)
**
In the elevator in Hotel Tex Pallazo, Surat:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter
More persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is
Then going alphabetically by national order.
**
In a hotel elevator in Baroda:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
**
In a hotel in Jamnagar:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and
11 A.M. Daily.
**
In a hotel near Gujarat College, Ahmedabad:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
**
Edwards Laundry on Relief Road, Ahmedabad:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
**
In a hotel in Bhavanagar:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the
Bedroom, it is rekvested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
**
In a laundry in Anand:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
**
In a heritage hotel in Junagadh:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
**
Advertisement for donkey rides (on the famous white asses) in Rann of Kutch:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
**
In a 5-Star Hotel cocktail lounge in Ahmedabad:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
**
In the office of a Gynecologist in Ahmedabad:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
**
In a hotel in Bharuch:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Good Morning India!

DALAILAMA'S TEACHINGS FOR A BETTER LIFE:-
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's: Respect for self, Respect for others, and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon. Many of lifes' failures are people who did not realize how close to success they were, when they gave up !!!
Living One Day at a Time
Our lives are made up of a million moments, spent in a million different ways. Some are spent searching for love, peace, and harmony. Others are spent surviving day by day.
But there is no greater moment than when we find that life, with all it's joys and sorrows, is meant to be lived one day at a time. It's in this knowledge that we discover the most wonderful truth of all.
Whether we live in a forty-room mansion, surrounded by servants and wealth, or find it a struggle to manage the rent month to month, we have it within our power to be fully satisfied and live a life with true meaning.
One day at a time - we have the abilty, through cherishing each moment and rejoicing in each dream. We can experience each day a new and with this fresh start we have what it takes to make all our dreams come true.
Each day is new, and living one day at a time enables us to truly enjoy life and live it to the fullest.

Some SMS

He, who loses money, loses much;
He, who loses a friend, loses much more;
He, who loses faith, loses all.
............ ......... ......... ......... .....
Anger is only one letter short of danger
If someone betrays you once, it is his fault;
If he betrays you twice, it is your fault.
............ ......... ......... ......... .....
Do not make your aim like the garden because everyone walk on it But make your aim like the sky so everyone wish to touch it.
............ ......... ......... ......... .....
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
"Treat everyone with politeness,
even those who are rude to you,
not because they are not nice,
but because YOU are nice!.

Good Morning India !

Gandhism:
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.
*******
Indiraism:
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
*******
Lalooism:
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
*******
Rajnikantism:
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.
*******
Rajivism:
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.
*******
Softwarism:( Ultimate. ...):
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!

Companies now-a days!!!

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). My friend, the ‘job hopper’ (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it…. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the ‘company loyal’ employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys – the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:
Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.
Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?
A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.
Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.
Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying ‘employer loyalty’. But I was an idiot.
Q: Why do you say so?
A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a ‘permanent’ job, so I need not worry about ‘what will I do if I lose my job’. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.
Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.
A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being ‘company loyal’ and not ‘money earning and saving loyal’. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving – I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.
Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?
A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me – can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.
Q: What have you gained by doing such things?
A: That's the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.
Q: So you decided on your own hike?
A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a ‘debt-free’ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.
Q: So are you debt-free now?
A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.
Q: Who is complaining?
A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me – why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.
Q: What is your advice to professionals?
A: Like Narayan Murthy had said – love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company's needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.
Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?
A: When a company does well, its CEO will address the entire company saying, ‘well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you.” But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO will say, “It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go.” So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.

Date of Rama in the epic Ramayana!!!

Lord Ram was born on the noon of January10 in the year 5114 BC. In Hindu calendar, it was the ninth day of Shukla Paksha in Chaitra month. Stunned! Well, this exact date of the birthday of Lord Rama is found in the book ‘Dating the Era of Lord Ram’ by Shri Pushkar Bhatnagar. The exact date was obtained by entering the planetary configuration at the time of the birth of Lord Ram as mentioned in the Valmiki Ramayana in Planetarium Software. Interestingly, for thousands of years Hindus have been celebrating Ram Navmi, the birthday of Lord Ram, exactly on the same time and date.
In the original Sanskrit Ramayana written by Sage Valmiki, while mentioning about the birth of Lord Ram, Valmiki had mentioned the astronomical details of the precise moment. Valmiki himself was present in the palace of Dasaratha and he mentions it thus in Bala Kanda of Ramayana.
On completion of the ritual six seasons have passed by and then in the twelfth month, on the ninth day of chaitra month when the presiding deity of ruling star of the day is Aditi, where the ruling star of day is punarvasu, the asterism is in the ascendant, and when five of the nine planets viz., Sun, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and Venus are at their highest position, when Jupiter with Moon is ascendant in Cancer, and when day is advancing, then Queen Kausalya gave birth to a son with all the divine attributes like lotus-red eyes, lengthy arms, roseate lips, voice like drumbeat, and who took birth to delight the Ikshwaku dynasty, who is adored by all the worlds, and who is the greatly blessed epitome of Vishnu, namely Rama. [1-18-8, 9, 10, 11]
When this data was entered in the Planetarium software, the day was January 10, 5114 BC. But how could Chaitra Shukla Navami occur in January? We celebrate Ram Navami in March or April. The answer to this was found in an article in Organizer.
There is an astronomical phenomenon called ‘precision’ of the sun as also of the equinoxes. According to the latter, the star which is now taken to be the Pole Star (Dhruv Tara), would yield the place to the Star Abhijit (Vega, alpha Lyrae), 14,000 years from now. So when the lunar month of Chaitra occurred seven thousand years ago in the month of January, 7000 years later, it occurs in the month of (generally) April.
Further, Valmiki had mentioned about other planetary configuration. One such was the planetary configuration when King Dashratha decided to make Lord Ram the king of Ayodhya. According to the book, such a planetary configuration was prevailing on January 5, 5089 BC. Lord Ram was then 25 years old and there are indications in the Ramayana that Lord Ram left Ayodhya when he was 25.
The solar eclipse mentioned in the Ramayana work out precisely to the Ramayana period. From an article written in 2003 in the Tribune by Saroj Bala on the book ‘Dating the Era of Lord Ram’
Valmiki Ramayana refers to the solar eclipse at the time of war with Khardushan in latter half of 13th year of Shri Ram’s living in forests. Valmiki has also mentioned that it was Amavasya that day and planet Mars was in the middle. When this data was entered, the computer software indicated that there was a solar eclipse on October 7, 5077 BC (Amavasya day) which could be seen from Panchvati. On that date, the planetary configuration was the same as has been described by Valmiki i.e. Mars was in the middle, on one side were Venus and Mercury and on the other side were Sun and Saturn. On the basis of planetary configurations described in various other chapters, the date on which Ravana was killed works out to December 4, 5076 BC. Shri Ram completed 14 years of exile on January 2, 5075 BC. That day was also Navami of Shukla Paksha in Chaitra month. Thus, Shri Ram had come back to Ayodhya when he was 39 years old (5114-5075).
To understand the book ‘Dating the Era of Lord Ram’ one needs to have some elementary knowledge of astronomy.
When we try to prove the birth of Hindu icons, it must be understood that these Hindu icons rarely bothered about birth and death. Through Sanatana Dharma they teach us to rise above birth and death. It believes that life is a continuity. And therefore it scoffs at the debates like ‘No Ram’ and ‘Yes Ram lived.

Good Morning India!

I am returning to the table after a long interval. Pl. send your comments regularly for the posts liked by you.
Thanks.

Some useful thoughts!!

A poster showing a fish, caught on a hook, the caption read as "Even a fish would stay out of trouble if it kept its mouth shut".
A nice quote from Mother Theresa...."Love your friends and not their sisters,,,,love your sister and not her friends".
Happiness is a special perfume but you can't spread it on others, without getting a few drops on yourself. So, always be happy to make others happy.
Friendship is a lovely track traveled by two, with hand in hand, to care, to share, to forgive and to say silently "I am always with you".
Doctor's report:- "Banana has a very high melting point. So, our stomach produces a strong powerful acid to digest it, which simultaneously digest other foods also. So, don't drink water after eating banana, it will dilute the acid".
Nice Lines: "Why we have so many temples if God is everywhere???" A wise man said "Air is everywhere, but we still need a fan to fell it".
Mind takes brilliant decisions with some mistakes but heart takes cute decisions with 100% truth. Allow your heart to rule yourself.
Achievers never expose themselves, but their achievements expose them. DO OR DIE is old saying DO BEFORE DIE is the new one.
Life is "SIN 90" that is ONE. Love is "COS 90" that is ZERO. But Friendship is "TAN 90" that is "INFINITY".

Good Morning India!

Internet Sayings:-
Home is where you hang your @.
The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
Great groups from little icons grow.
Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
C: is the root of all directories.
Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
The modem is the message.
Too many clicks spoil the browse.
The geek shall inherit the earth.
A chat has nine lives.
Don't byte off more than you can view.
Fax is stranger than fiction.
What boots up must come down.
Windows will never cease.
Virtual reality is its own reward.
Modulation in all things.
A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
There's no place like home.com.
Know what to expect before you connect.
Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice!!!

Conversations/Humour

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!
Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
********
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'Onpage 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need tounplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jackbefore cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
********

RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
********

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
********

Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
********

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
********
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
********
Tech Support: 'I need you to rightclick on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a popup menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. RightClick again. Do you see a popup menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
********
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
********
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that Ineed it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my fileback again?'.
********
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a longtime.. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is atrue story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from arecording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say theHelp Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing theWord Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared. '
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does ithave a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like itwas when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f ing stupid to own a computer!!!!

Wives excuse! Only for laughs!

[1] Sweeter Sides of Life
Boy Friend is like a chocolate, "Taste good always."
Girl Friend is like Pizza, Hot’ n’Spicy, "Delicious anytime."
Wife is like the refrigerated left overs, "Eaten when no choice."
Husband is like a cooled off Tea in a cup, "Headache on sip."
[2] Better Dead than Alive
A bachelor Man asked his physician, “I Want to live healthy and longer.”
The Doctor advised, “Good thought, Get married.”
The man asked, “Oh you mean the exercise of sex will make me live longer.”
The Doctor said, “No it is the want of sex that will kill your thought.”
[3] An Alien Observation
“A great handshake was observed in two humans of opposite sex at a wedding ring before a deadly bout of Lifetime.”
[4] Respect to a Dead Union
A husband reminded the wife, “Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and I want to start the day with two minute’s in silence.”
[5] Love Kills
Marry with Love or have someone arrange it for you and then love. What the hell is the difference? Ultimate is the same, "Suicide of Harakiri or Killing of Guillotine."
[6] Strange Divinity
And God makes such a beautiful, lovely, pleasant, marvelous creature as woman for man, then suddenly he turns around and sticks him as wife.
[7] Senseless and Careless
A man before marriage stays awake happily whole night contemplating about the wordage of lover woman.
Then after marriage he starts snoring faster then loving wife utters the first word.
[8] Wise Saying
Your money gets transferred faster than lightning When you marry.
[9] For unmarried only
“Happy Independence Day.”
[10] Grass is greener on other side
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order the best dish of your choice from the menu and yet damn you find your friend’s dish more alluring.
[11] Decent Burial
A just recently divorced, hit hard, badly publicized, rich man received a telegram.
“Your Ex-wife dead. Advise preference burial or cremation? Funeral cost you pay.”
The man quickly responded, “Burn the Body high flames and Bury the Ash deep grounds. I pay all the expenses.”
[12] Wild Fiction
A just engaged man goes in the Library to search books on “The sex and my woman.”
He asked the female librarian, “Ma’ am, I want the book something like, “Master of my woman.”
The librarian advised, “Our fiction and fantasy books are in the basement.”
[13] Promise Keeper
Once a man told then his lover, “Marry me, I would even go to hell for you.”
The girl trusted the promise and married him.
The Man kept his words, "He is going through the hell of his life for now his wife."
[14] Never drying tears
A woman brings you in this world with you crying and other one keeps you alive in this world with you crying.
[15] Law of Double Jeopardy
The Law does not permit a man to marry a second woman.
The Law cannot punish a man twice for the same offence!

School answering machine:-

This is the message that apparently a Secondary School staff in the Midlands voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.
This is the actual answering machine message for the school. It came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and Parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are now being threatened with legal action by some parents who want their children's failing marks changed to passing marks - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the term and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their various key stages.
************ ********* The outgoing message:**** ********* ********* *****
'Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3
* To swear at staff members - Press 4
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your Newsletter and several letters posted to you - Press 5
* If you want us to bring up your child - Press 6
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
* To complain about bus transport - Press 9
* To complain about school lunches - Press 0
LASTLY:
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a really wonderful day!
If you want this in other languages, you must be in the wrong country. This is England!

Nice thopughts to share:-

1.Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things.
2.Make the best of your circumstances. No one has every things and every one has something. Of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.
3.Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people.
4.You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism worry you.
5.Don't let your neighbour set your standards. Be yourself.
6.Do the things you enjoy doing. But stay out of debt.
7.Never borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones.
8.Since, hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy. Avoid people who make you unhappy.
9.Have many interests. If you can't travel, read about new places.
10.Don't hold postmortems. Don't spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don't be one who never gets over things.
11.Do what you can to less fortunate than yourself.
12.Keep busy at something. Abusy person has never time to be unhappy.

Some Elderly thoughts!!!

When we keep running towards our goals, problems stop coming towards us. When we stop, they start....

Carry a heart that never hates,
Carry a smile that never fades,
Carry a touch that never hurts and always
Carry a relationship that never breaks!

Good Morning India!

HRD Notice of a company to employees! Dear STAFF, Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm. *********** 1) TRANSPORTATION: It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary. A) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. B) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise. C) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. *********** 2) ANNUAL LEAVE : Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! Said 1 employee). - They are called SATURDAYs AND SUNDAYs. *********** 3) LUNCH BREAK: A) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. B) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. C) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. *********** 4) SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness. - If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. *********** 5) SURGERY : As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. - You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. - To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. *********** 6) INTERNET USAGE : All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges Will be deducted from your salary. - Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 10MB connection. Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed somewhere else. Best Regards, HRD

Very interesting facts!

France has no mosquitos!
Afganisthan has no railways!
King Louis XIV was born with two front teeth!
It requires 72 muscles to speak a single word!
Group of owles is called a parliament!
An Ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain!
Education is a word with all vowels!
Black wales are born white!
The state of Florida is bigger than England!
Snake venom has 90% proteins!

Helpful thoughts!

Feel the pleasure of life every second! Never be angry or sad! Because every 1 minute of your sadness you lose 60 seconds of happiness....!

Success will never lower its standard to acommodate us. We have to raise our standard to achieve it. For every bird, God provides food, but not ........in its nest!

Lord Buddha left his palace in search of peace! And we are all in search of palace at the cost of peace!!!

Good Morning India!

Everyone is gifted! But some people never open their package!!!

Love n Maths ...... A letter !

My Dear SweetHeart,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

About your Cellphone

Would like to know your mobile is original or not?!!
Type *#06#
After you enter the code you will see a new code contain 15 digits:
43 4 5 6 6 1 0 6 7 8 9 4 3 5
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 02 or 20 that mean it was Assembly on
Emirates which is very Bad quality :(
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 08 or 80 that mean it¢s manufactured
in Germany which is not bad
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 01 or 10 that mean it¢s manufactured in
Finland which is Good
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 00 that mean it was manufactured in
original factory which is the best Mobile Quality ...
IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 13 that mean it was Assembly on
Azerbaijan which is very Bad quality and very dangerous for health!!!

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't#9 on this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

10 Reasons why God Created Eve !

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because he knew men would never ask directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote because men don't want to see what's on television, they want to see what else is on television.
8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when the seat wore out and therefore would need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctors appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.
5. God knew that if the world was to be populated there would have to be someone to bear children, because men would never be able to handle it.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden" Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation indicates that Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone." He only ends up getting himself in trouble.
AND the #1 REASON WHY GOD CREATED EVE is ...
*
*
*
*
1. When God had finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head and said, "I know I can do better than THIS!!"

Good Morning India !

IF ONLY LIFE COULD BE LIKE A COMPUTER!

If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!
To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!
If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".
Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
When you lose your car keys, click on "find".
"Help" with the chores is just a click away.
You wouldn't need auto insurance. You'd use your diskette to recover from a crash.
We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.
To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".
Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.
To undo a mistake, click on "back".
Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".
you don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".

Good Morning India !

Why ?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

One liners - Hidden Meanings in Company talk(Humor)

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

************

How to catch a lion?

Newton 's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.
********************
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.
********************
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
********************
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .
********************
Rajnikanth Method :
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.
********************
Jayalalitha Method:
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !
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Manirathnam Method (director):
Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
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Karan Johar Method (director):
Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!
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Yash Chopra method (director):
Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.
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Govinda method:
Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days. The Lion will drop dead just watching!
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Menaka Gandhi method:
Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.
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George bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!
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Ravi Shastri method:
Ask the lion to bowl at u.
U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
Lion tired and surrenders
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Great Thoughts !!!

Effort is important,
But knowing where to make an effort in your life makes all the difference.

"Even the word 'IMPOSSIBLE' says 'I M POSSIBLE' "

When your successful,
Your well wishers know who you are
When you are unsuccessful,
You know who your well wishers ar

Ship is always safe at shore...
But is is not built for it

Falling down is not defeat...
Defeat is when you refuse to get up...

Liquid Prices !

Over the weekend, I filled up my car's fuel tank, and I thought fuel has become really expensive after the recent price hike. But then I compared it with other common liquids and did some quick calculations, and I felt a little better.
To know why, see the results below ? you'll be surprised at how outrageous some other prices are !
Diesel (regular) in Mumbai : Rs 36.08 per litre
Petrol (speed) in Mumbai : Rs 52 per litre
Coca Cola 330 ml can : Rs 20 = Rs 61 per litre
Dettol antiseptic 100 ml Rs 20 = Rs 200 per litre
Radiator coolant 500 ml Rs 160 = Rs 320 per litre
Pantene conditioner 400 ml Rs 165 = Rs 413 per litre
Mouthwash Listerine 100 ml Rs 45 = Rs 450 per litre
Red Bull 150 ml can : Rs 75 = Rs 500 per litre
Corex cough syrup 100 ml Rs 57 = Rs 570 per litre
Evian water 500 ml Rs 330 = Rs 660 per litre
Kores whiteout 15 ml Rs 15 = Rs 1000 per litre
Coffee at a 5*hotel 150 ml Rs 175 = Rs 1167 per litre
Old Spice after shave 100 ml Rs 175 = Rs 1750 per litre
Pure almond oil 25 ml Rs 68 = Rs 2720 per litre

Oh, Those Darn Lawyers !!!

Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.
''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''
''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''
''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''

Words of Wisdom !

"Focused will is incredible. If you have a dream and you don't give up no matter what obstacles come up, then life's problems will fall away and you will get what you want. It happens. It works." ~~ Yanni
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"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." ~~ Bernice Johnson Reagon
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"To be successful you must accept all challenges that come your way. You can't just accept the ones you like." ~~ Mike Gafka
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"Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above it." ~~ Washington Irving
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"The obstacles you face are... mental barriers which can be broken by adopting a more positive approach." ~~ Clarence Blasier
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Secret of Success !

A young man asked Socrates the secret of Success. Socrates told the young man to meet him near the river the next morning. They met.
Socrates asked the young man to walk with him towards the river.
When the water got up to their neck, Socrates took the young man by surprise and ducked him into the water. The man struggled to get out but Socrates was strong and kept him there until he started turning blue.
The young man struggled hard and finally managed to get out and the first thing he did was to gasp and take deep breath. Socrates asked 'What you wanted the most when you were there?' The man replied 'Air'.
Socrates said 'that's the most secret to success. When you want success as badly as you wanted air, you will get it. There is no other secret'.

Phone call!

The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.
"How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?"
"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight."
The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy.
"Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."
"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"
"Why, George! Your husband!... Isn't this 223-1374?"
"No, this is 232-1374."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."
There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?