Actual call centre conversations !!!!!
Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
********
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'Onpage 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need tounplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jackbefore cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
********
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
********
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?'
********
Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'.
********
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '.
********
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
********
Tech Support: 'I need you to rightclick on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a popup menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. RightClick again. Do you see a popup menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
********
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
********
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that Ineed it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my fileback again?'.
********
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a longtime.. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is atrue story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from arecording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say theHelp Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing theWord Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared. '
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does ithave a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like itwas when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f ing stupid to own a computer!!!!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Wives excuse! Only for laughs!
[1] Sweeter Sides of Life
Boy Friend is like a chocolate, "Taste good always."
Girl Friend is like Pizza, Hot’ n’Spicy, "Delicious anytime."
Wife is like the refrigerated left overs, "Eaten when no choice."
Husband is like a cooled off Tea in a cup, "Headache on sip."
[2] Better Dead than Alive
A bachelor Man asked his physician, “I Want to live healthy and longer.”
The Doctor advised, “Good thought, Get married.”
The man asked, “Oh you mean the exercise of sex will make me live longer.”
The Doctor said, “No it is the want of sex that will kill your thought.”
[3] An Alien Observation
“A great handshake was observed in two humans of opposite sex at a wedding ring before a deadly bout of Lifetime.”
[4] Respect to a Dead Union
A husband reminded the wife, “Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and I want to start the day with two minute’s in silence.”
[5] Love Kills
Marry with Love or have someone arrange it for you and then love. What the hell is the difference? Ultimate is the same, "Suicide of Harakiri or Killing of Guillotine."
[6] Strange Divinity
And God makes such a beautiful, lovely, pleasant, marvelous creature as woman for man, then suddenly he turns around and sticks him as wife.
[7] Senseless and Careless
A man before marriage stays awake happily whole night contemplating about the wordage of lover woman.
Then after marriage he starts snoring faster then loving wife utters the first word.
[8] Wise Saying
Your money gets transferred faster than lightning When you marry.
[9] For unmarried only
“Happy Independence Day.”
[10] Grass is greener on other side
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order the best dish of your choice from the menu and yet damn you find your friend’s dish more alluring.
[11] Decent Burial
A just recently divorced, hit hard, badly publicized, rich man received a telegram.
“Your Ex-wife dead. Advise preference burial or cremation? Funeral cost you pay.”
The man quickly responded, “Burn the Body high flames and Bury the Ash deep grounds. I pay all the expenses.”
[12] Wild Fiction
A just engaged man goes in the Library to search books on “The sex and my woman.”
He asked the female librarian, “Ma’ am, I want the book something like, “Master of my woman.”
The librarian advised, “Our fiction and fantasy books are in the basement.”
[13] Promise Keeper
Once a man told then his lover, “Marry me, I would even go to hell for you.”
The girl trusted the promise and married him.
The Man kept his words, "He is going through the hell of his life for now his wife."
[14] Never drying tears
A woman brings you in this world with you crying and other one keeps you alive in this world with you crying.
[15] Law of Double Jeopardy
The Law does not permit a man to marry a second woman.
The Law cannot punish a man twice for the same offence!
Boy Friend is like a chocolate, "Taste good always."
Girl Friend is like Pizza, Hot’ n’Spicy, "Delicious anytime."
Wife is like the refrigerated left overs, "Eaten when no choice."
Husband is like a cooled off Tea in a cup, "Headache on sip."
[2] Better Dead than Alive
A bachelor Man asked his physician, “I Want to live healthy and longer.”
The Doctor advised, “Good thought, Get married.”
The man asked, “Oh you mean the exercise of sex will make me live longer.”
The Doctor said, “No it is the want of sex that will kill your thought.”
[3] An Alien Observation
“A great handshake was observed in two humans of opposite sex at a wedding ring before a deadly bout of Lifetime.”
[4] Respect to a Dead Union
A husband reminded the wife, “Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and I want to start the day with two minute’s in silence.”
[5] Love Kills
Marry with Love or have someone arrange it for you and then love. What the hell is the difference? Ultimate is the same, "Suicide of Harakiri or Killing of Guillotine."
[6] Strange Divinity
And God makes such a beautiful, lovely, pleasant, marvelous creature as woman for man, then suddenly he turns around and sticks him as wife.
[7] Senseless and Careless
A man before marriage stays awake happily whole night contemplating about the wordage of lover woman.
Then after marriage he starts snoring faster then loving wife utters the first word.
[8] Wise Saying
Your money gets transferred faster than lightning When you marry.
[9] For unmarried only
“Happy Independence Day.”
[10] Grass is greener on other side
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order the best dish of your choice from the menu and yet damn you find your friend’s dish more alluring.
[11] Decent Burial
A just recently divorced, hit hard, badly publicized, rich man received a telegram.
“Your Ex-wife dead. Advise preference burial or cremation? Funeral cost you pay.”
The man quickly responded, “Burn the Body high flames and Bury the Ash deep grounds. I pay all the expenses.”
[12] Wild Fiction
A just engaged man goes in the Library to search books on “The sex and my woman.”
He asked the female librarian, “Ma’ am, I want the book something like, “Master of my woman.”
The librarian advised, “Our fiction and fantasy books are in the basement.”
[13] Promise Keeper
Once a man told then his lover, “Marry me, I would even go to hell for you.”
The girl trusted the promise and married him.
The Man kept his words, "He is going through the hell of his life for now his wife."
[14] Never drying tears
A woman brings you in this world with you crying and other one keeps you alive in this world with you crying.
[15] Law of Double Jeopardy
The Law does not permit a man to marry a second woman.
The Law cannot punish a man twice for the same offence!
School answering machine:-
This is the message that apparently a Secondary School staff in the Midlands voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.
This is the actual answering machine message for the school. It came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and Parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are now being threatened with legal action by some parents who want their children's failing marks changed to passing marks - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the term and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their various key stages.
************ ********* The outgoing message:**** ********* ********* *****
'Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3
* To swear at staff members - Press 4
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your Newsletter and several letters posted to you - Press 5
* If you want us to bring up your child - Press 6
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
* To complain about bus transport - Press 9
* To complain about school lunches - Press 0
LASTLY:
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a really wonderful day!
If you want this in other languages, you must be in the wrong country. This is England!
This is the actual answering machine message for the school. It came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and Parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are now being threatened with legal action by some parents who want their children's failing marks changed to passing marks - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the term and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their various key stages.
************ ********* The outgoing message:**** ********* ********* *****
'Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3
* To swear at staff members - Press 4
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your Newsletter and several letters posted to you - Press 5
* If you want us to bring up your child - Press 6
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
* To complain about bus transport - Press 9
* To complain about school lunches - Press 0
LASTLY:
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a really wonderful day!
If you want this in other languages, you must be in the wrong country. This is England!
Nice thopughts to share:-
1.Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things.
2.Make the best of your circumstances. No one has every things and every one has something. Of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.
3.Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people.
4.You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism worry you.
5.Don't let your neighbour set your standards. Be yourself.
6.Do the things you enjoy doing. But stay out of debt.
7.Never borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones.
8.Since, hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy. Avoid people who make you unhappy.
9.Have many interests. If you can't travel, read about new places.
10.Don't hold postmortems. Don't spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don't be one who never gets over things.
11.Do what you can to less fortunate than yourself.
12.Keep busy at something. Abusy person has never time to be unhappy.
2.Make the best of your circumstances. No one has every things and every one has something. Of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.
3.Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people.
4.You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism worry you.
5.Don't let your neighbour set your standards. Be yourself.
6.Do the things you enjoy doing. But stay out of debt.
7.Never borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones.
8.Since, hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy. Avoid people who make you unhappy.
9.Have many interests. If you can't travel, read about new places.
10.Don't hold postmortems. Don't spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don't be one who never gets over things.
11.Do what you can to less fortunate than yourself.
12.Keep busy at something. Abusy person has never time to be unhappy.
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